where can i go?

where can i go to scream
and no one will hear me,
no one will worry or wonder or wish?
i'll sound my voice out
ringing over mountains
and valleys
and rivers and branches of trees,
not these schools surrounding,
with their processes
to perfectly squelch our spirits,
not the tastes i can't exude,
not the loves i cannot give,
not the fires i cannot light,
not the eyes brimming
with sadness
and no way to dry them.
somewhere for me,
where i can hear myself.

maybe someone will feel me,
the vibrations of my voice;
the breath coursing in a single,
wild burst;
the air swelling out of my lungs
to you, to the people, to the wonders,
to fill the earth up,
or my world, our world
(what world is that?)
with my myriad of wobbling, worn out passions.

where can i go to howl out of myself
to release this anguish and anger and fight
these frightening falsities and fantasies
and everything blocking my throat?

where can i be myself and just let all this out,
explode and not crumble
stand and stay fast to the earth
as i release in a yawp the darkness inside me
so i can renew and replenish and patch up
the holes it has speared through my soul?

where can i go?

once i'm all yelled out,
and still no one can hear me,
or see me,
or leave me,
or love me.
once i have quieted and
the darkness of my soul has
evacuated,

i shall float
and flit
and flounce
out of my mind,
out of myself,
into shades and layers
of nothingness,
of everything.

i will feel the currents around me
breathing me in
breathing me out
breathing me being
and i will find silence
and serenity
waiting for me.

a white room,
stark,
blinding,
waiting.
a white room,
where floors blend to walls,
and walls blend to ceilings,
to floors, with nothing filling
or cropping,
or ending the whiteness,
the brightness,
the empty.

until i arrive.

then i will flood and fill
and free the room
with color and life;
purity of passion.
the room will reflect
what i have become.

i will free in my freedom,
learn to be loved by loving,
i will breathe in the breath that will
churn the hardening soul thats inside
back into life.

where can i go?

i can take you with me.
i can heal the people.

i can hold the untouchables.
i can hear those with no voices.
i can see through the darkness to the sinking.

but..

where can i go?