undeserving

I am humbled here.
I have fallen so short
And become so far gone
With weak and wispy morals
Transitory and translucent
Impure and imagined to be
Of a better person than I am.

I drag my sins
To the place you have given me
Beside you, inside you
A place that I fit in so well
But will never afford.
You love me with a mercy that
Transcends what I deserve.
Your forgiveness in the place of justice
Is more than I could come to justify.

I need to learn how to love you
Beyond what I can manage
For under my management of your heart
I wrecked you.
I wrecked you.
I wrecked my love and my only.
How could I do that
If I loved you?

I did I do I will love you,
By the empowerment of the one who can
Lead me to a place where I am delivered
Freed from the temptations that have
Made me shatter every precious thing I have had,
And that I will not let come and devastate this.
Lead you to a place where you can be loved
More than I can provide
And in a way that brings you calm and happiness
In your anguish and in your anger.
Lead us to a place where what we walk through
Will not stay with us or set us apart
And will turn this sadness into goodness.
Into gold.

I am humbled here,
I understand,
And this is my prayer,
That I can love you enough.

adjustments

these past two years have been of petals
and falling or pulled
i've never uncovered so much of a person.
i thought you were magnificent before
but somehow you've expanded beyond that.
despite all the violences i've brought against you
and the adjustments of becoming,
you remain quietly and disruptively beautiful.
your sides are where i've been staying,
and there, leaving is a letdown and returning is contentment,
but it is nothing compared with the treasure i had of being within you
and the regret of my life that i stepped outside and away.

wishes

i wish the bath could drain without that
terrible noise
i wish the cuts that do not bleed
out of my skin
but still scab
would bleed themselves out and through me
i wish i knew if the you
i've been watching is real
or if instead my you was truer
i wish i knew if it was all you
i wish i knew if i was still your happiness
i feel like we are strangers
and i prayed and acted with the faith
we would never become strange to each other
i never thought i'd come to find
that your eyes could be flat when they saw me
when they met mine.

precious

On every falling peak of every rising mountain,
In every gentle whisper of the dauntless wind,
In every powerful wave that caresses the sand,
In every slithering flame of every honest fire,
I have breathed purpose.

Would I not care so much deeper for a life?

Into every soft petal of each intoxicating flower,
In every rugged wing of the gentle birds of the sky,
In every thunderous cry of every placid whale song,
In every dancing stalk of wheat in the golden fields,
I have crafted life.

Would I not love a human life greater than these?

Into every small blood cell in every guiding vein,
In each brilliant brain cell in every thriving mind,
In every protective cell of all glowing skin,
In every reviving breath in every determined lung,
I have forged viability.

Will you not see that all of you are magnificently great?

In every straightforward thought circulating through a wandering mind,
In every passionate heartbeat of a restful heart,
In every leap and whirl of a wayward soul,
In every sense of brilliance and beauty,
I have created love.

Will you not see that every life is miraculous?

Shattered and abandoned like so many pebbles,
Ignored for the gold that it was,
Spat and splattered like poisonous oils,
The wine wasted away once again.

Do you not see how precious?

Every life on this earth is filled with a purpose,
Every breath brimming with incense,
Every heartbeat sounding with trumpets,
Every body riddled with jewels,
Every thought as important as a wise man’s,
Every love as deep as a mother’s.

From my own hands, I have molded you,
Not just the wise and the powerful,
Not just the rich and the mysterious,
Not just the entertaining and the exciting,
But every beggar child you pass by,
Every old man soiled on the street,
Every single mom living in a tent with her kids,
Every grandma and grandson killed by a bomb,
Every neighbor shot dead,
Every brother stabbed in the back.

Everyone void of peace,
Everyone completely unheard,
Everyone different from yourself,
Everyone seen as an object.

Every baby left in a trash can,
Every soldier lost in the dirt,
Every spouse waiting at home on the sofa,
Every orphan destroyed by disease,
Every family abused by sick greed
Every civilian caught in the crossfire,
Every human with better plans.

And I know there are better plans,
For I have set in place miracles,
I have brewed love beyond your imaginings.

My heart is shredded every time
A life is tossed away like an empty can,
Too many lives like so many pieces of garbage.

Can you not reach out and touch the dreams,
Open the doors for the hopes to run wild?
Would you not rather set free
Than contain these things, and take captive?

For in every door you close,
In every dream you abandon or destroy,
Your freedom disintegrates,
Your own soul becomes captive.

In every decimation, in every waste,
There is a destruction of the good.
No matter what the reason,
No matter what the urge,
The ruination of miracles,
Of whole life, of love,
Is a wrongdoing beyond vindication.

Life is precious.

low cut

the fizzing, sizzling soda
snakes smoothly down
the crevice between my breasts
mirroring the fashion that
your fingers slither down
softly, swiftly, sneakily
creeping, seeping into a place
that was once mine,
just mine, all mine.

cherry

slowly took the first bite,
narrowing gently, closing in softly
with less speed than ever before.
less speed than the shadows
you believe will never drift completely away
from your heart.

waited for the deeper sweeter flavor
to overtake and overcome the bitterness.

shut your eyes.
pretend its not you.
its not you.
shut your eyes.

it was too much to let you savor
to much to drench your senses
you could have drowned
you would have drowned.

quickened the mercilessness.
ended this, ended experience.

forget, forget.
faster, faster,
move on faster,
stop it all, fast, stop it all.

consumed completely,
you idly swallowed the basis.
there is a pit in your stomach.
cherry pit.

muscles

and the muscles of your mouth
and the sides of your lips
pull taut.

wrenching you down,
the pressure brings tears to your eyes
or maybe its the pain.

its involuntary,
it hurts,
it pulls and stretches,
and yanks.

what is it?

what is it?

what pulls us down and apart in our failure?

the muscles of the mouth, or the heart?