low cut

the fizzing, sizzling soda
snakes smoothly down
the crevice between my breasts
mirroring the fashion that
your fingers slither down
softly, swiftly, sneakily
creeping, seeping into a place
that was once mine,
just mine, all mine.

cherry

slowly took the first bite,
narrowing gently, closing in softly
with less speed than ever before.
less speed than the shadows
you believe will never drift completely away
from your heart.

waited for the deeper sweeter flavor
to overtake and overcome the bitterness.

shut your eyes.
pretend its not you.
its not you.
shut your eyes.

it was too much to let you savor
to much to drench your senses
you could have drowned
you would have drowned.

quickened the mercilessness.
ended this, ended experience.

forget, forget.
faster, faster,
move on faster,
stop it all, fast, stop it all.

consumed completely,
you idly swallowed the basis.
there is a pit in your stomach.
cherry pit.

muscles

and the muscles of your mouth
and the sides of your lips
pull taut.

wrenching you down,
the pressure brings tears to your eyes
or maybe its the pain.

its involuntary,
it hurts,
it pulls and stretches,
and yanks.

what is it?

what is it?

what pulls us down and apart in our failure?

the muscles of the mouth, or the heart?

blunder.

feed me breather fill my empty skull and let him in.
swollen souls and broken bones
huddled through true new neon brick. thick i am sick
ticked i am picked and chosen and frozen and left in the dust.
and i'm falling for you, lacing shoes
and proving truths that shouldn't need to be shown.
trying to keep up with what we're embracing and creating
and the relating of our senses in each other of the other
is another blunder new in our faces but ancient under suns.
we're dancing and we're laughing, and
we're crying and we're tearing, and
we're cuddled and muddled..

is it our own or are we acting out and being overwhelmed and pretending to fend for ourselves?
its all depending on our openness, our brokenness and what we relay to the other.
is it our speech, our minds, our eyeballs reflecting, digesting, investing, requesting?
i'm squirming. i'm burning, i'm churning, i'm yearning for you, praising skylights for you.
skylights, night lights, star brights.

heavens, heavens.

i remember the stars. i remember the stars.
and times and twists and tears.
you can't get all you want, bits of a confidant, try out this, debutant.
no.
you got to steal it, feel it, wrench your bits and pieces.

i fall, you stall, we maul and shred things at the seams.
its clean, so we fake,
the misunderstanding, the blunder, the ranting.
but we're torn, what can be healed, what but lust,
frustration translation ambiguity tripping slipping losing grip and flipping tipping out and ripping off.
but we're laughing now like old friends
in the bends on our hands and on our knees, its been eternities.
my tears are swearing it, boggled and blistered and shocked, pock marked,
scarred, barred but we're laughing, we're joking, we're healing, we're whole.
becoming so, we're running so, slower than ever before,
but paced in our faces, laced in our races.
tripping in friendship, we'll mend this.

i claimed remission

you ripped me apart so fiercely,
you shattered my heart and maimed my soul,
you brutally beat my love.

so why should i return?

why should i ever forgive you?

you've sliced me so deeply,
and stabbed so far in,
every time you apologize,
does it even make a difference?

who's blood are you trying to wipe away,
who is writhing on the floor at your feet,
the one you only want to cover up, and put away?

who are you doing this for?
you don't want to lose a friend, oh the pain it'll cause you,
but you don't want to keep me either, oh the pain i bring.

so who the hell do you think you are?
what penance can you offer, what words, notes, looks will
ever satisfy or heal the damage you have done?

how can your apologies ever go as deep as the pain you've brought upon?
how can they ever sustain the pressure you put on my shoulders?

what if i don't take you back?
what if i will not forgive?
what if i refuse, what if i give up,
what if i turn my back, just like you?

which one of us will suffer the loss here, then?

you and me

its all rather intoxicating,
you are blending now, forming with me
as i'm breathing into you.
and it is incredible
this way we are feeling
as we never have before.

i called it delirium,
disorientation, dizzying.
boiled and shadowed,
awake or asleep?
can you tell in the day?
can you tell in the night?

inches, feet, miles apart,
distances i can not make out,
incomprehensible measures.
lack of comfort, lack of patience.
pulling together, pulling apart.

and then we--
i disappear,
attempt to drill sense into my mind again.
i dislocate,
fight it, feel it, find it,
freedom--

and then we were one
and i felt it.
its been so long, love.
its been so greatly shredding and i was afraid,
but i am not afraid anymore.
you are here.

you are here and you did not take it back,
you did not leave me stranded,
standing, swaying and falling.
you caught me,
and kept me.

how could you know?
how can you be so lovable, loving?
so sensible in my pure, unutterable senselessness?

and you could not be more perfect for me now,
and we are molding together.
i am yours, you are mine, we are ours,
and these moments we are living together.

how can i say i love you?

its all just a bit arbitrary: salt.

i’m feeling the salt.
miniscule pebbles
creating super-sized tensions.
who knew something so small
would erupt like that?
could erupt like that.

this salt on my tongue,
on my fingers, my feet,
my legs, my head, my self,
comes with the coming of you,
new love.

the lack in comfort combined
with increasing levels of nervousness
and imaginary sodium between us
molds a
good excuse not to lean over.

but I’m wanting to
in a relative sense.
simple decisions are dragging me along.
and
i’ve never seen a carpet road,
i don’t know why I thought it would be different
this time down.

true(ly) love(less)

so they say
true love
never
dies.

it never fades out
to blackness
while you
sit on the edge of the sofa
watching the horror
and the solitude
close in,
break out
around the edges
of your crossing eyes.
eyes that land on a single
featureless feature.
trivial to the moment.
basking in your attention.
or your lack of focus.

oh, but no worries,
oh but allright.

true love doesn't
do that to you.
it doesn't desert you
keep you hanging,
or pacing,
or crying,
or empty,
in the middle of the night
slipping back and forth
in
darkness and silence
and worry and anger.
the pressure meter switched to full blast
breaking the knob
leaving you stuck.

no.

its

perfection.
true love?
glorious.

what makes it true?
honesty, purity, clarity
where, when, how.
in love.
inside of love.
honesty? purity? clarity?

the knowledge
that
this is not that
leaves me turning corners
of mazes with no peepholes
or hints
or fountains of wisdom.
blunted, blind, fumbling.
what am i here, then?
who are you
and all of those lovers?

truly loveless?

we keep crumbling
and wilting
and falling
and degrading
back into the dirt.
back into the insecurity.
back into the nonsense.
back into the distraction.
back into the noiselessness.

experiences, moments,
infatuations, passions.
human tensions
human love.

good enough to be truth?
good enough to be pure?
is good enough even good enough?

so what are we?
all of the lovers
that are aware,
knowing that
we aren't true,
we aren't everything
we aren't perfect
or whole
or enough

but we love just the same.

its all just a bit arbitrary: out.

so computer,
so so computer.
here, computer me.
so so me.

volume up
to down to
up, down
but the bars go sideways.

indecisive.

slam!
or crunch?
crunch?
shrug, shrug.

yeah well,
who slammed out?
yeah well,
i don't really know.

i wasn't really there.
i wasn't in,
i wasn't on.
but i heard you slam.

slam out.

and who are you?
and who are you there?

why does it?
does it tell me
when you've slammed out
when i don't want to know.

i don't want to hear.
not when i've

i've slammed out,
and i don't want to know.
but i know.
when you slammed out.

but who are you?
who has slammed out?
gone out,
left out.

out,
out,
out with you!

go out,
breathe out,
make out,
bleep out,
freak out,
peek out,
blank out,
break out,
black out,
sneak out,
oh boy its
bleak out.

and a ha-ha,ha,
and a ha-ha,ha,

and who are you?

lover i can not pretend

warning: what you are about to read is not a poem of romance, or of times spent infatuated, lost and lovestruck in the most loveless of ways. this is a poem about love.

whites
blend to greys
to blacks
to greys
into whiteness.

grey into
morning
into daytime
into grey
into nighttime
into grey.

grey pulses,
grey passions,
pleadings,
pleasures,

grey placement
under the grey sun
freezing, harsh.
the grey blood in my veins
doesn't break through
my grey skin.

without you.
without you.

sunsets are turned to ashes,
falling through the skies,
reaching into this earth
flooded with despair,
solitude, briskness,
no breath for moments.

moments of color,
of light,
of hope.

and what does that taste like?

do you remember the taste of strawberries?

no sam, i can't recall the taste of food, nor the sound of water, nor the touch of grass. i'm naked in the dark..

the stars shine in my blackened sky,
like rocks hidden in the dust,
here without you.

the warmth of the earth,
and presence around me,
surrounds me, is gone.

i shiver and shake,
no presence but my own,
and this is not enough.

the flavors of this life,
pass through my tongue,
to tastelessness, and i am left
with the bitterness of nonexistance.

and i'm choking,
and i'm trying to cry out,
what veils me?
what veils me from you
my love, my lover?

find me.

here without you.

i am faking love,
and it tastes nothing like you,
i am faking comfort,
compassion,
my life, i am faking,
faking it all to stand up.

but i've crumbled so many times
and arms of flesh and blood and bone
can not hold me down,
or hold me tightly,
in comfort or captivity,
for i have felt the arms of fire,
that engulf me,
set me ablaze,
radiance everlasting.
and no passion,
no fire burns as brightly,
i will not turn away.

my heart

i drew my heart
pink
perfect
pulseless.

i took the black
and i held it to the side
of the heart.
of my
heart.

cross one,
pull it back,
zag two,
pull it back,
across and over
and across again.

it became beautiful
as it was shredded apart,
ripped at, torn.

who is facing?
to whom beheld?

i am my heart,
dead and faking,
you can be you, black to me,
ripping me apart.

who are you?
are you aware of what you've done,
what your doing?

who are you?
who are you?