lover i can not pretend

warning: what you are about to read is not a poem of romance, or of times spent infatuated, lost and lovestruck in the most loveless of ways. this is a poem about love.

whites
blend to greys
to blacks
to greys
into whiteness.

grey into
morning
into daytime
into grey
into nighttime
into grey.

grey pulses,
grey passions,
pleadings,
pleasures,

grey placement
under the grey sun
freezing, harsh.
the grey blood in my veins
doesn't break through
my grey skin.

without you.
without you.

sunsets are turned to ashes,
falling through the skies,
reaching into this earth
flooded with despair,
solitude, briskness,
no breath for moments.

moments of color,
of light,
of hope.

and what does that taste like?

do you remember the taste of strawberries?

no sam, i can't recall the taste of food, nor the sound of water, nor the touch of grass. i'm naked in the dark..

the stars shine in my blackened sky,
like rocks hidden in the dust,
here without you.

the warmth of the earth,
and presence around me,
surrounds me, is gone.

i shiver and shake,
no presence but my own,
and this is not enough.

the flavors of this life,
pass through my tongue,
to tastelessness, and i am left
with the bitterness of nonexistance.

and i'm choking,
and i'm trying to cry out,
what veils me?
what veils me from you
my love, my lover?

find me.

here without you.

i am faking love,
and it tastes nothing like you,
i am faking comfort,
compassion,
my life, i am faking,
faking it all to stand up.

but i've crumbled so many times
and arms of flesh and blood and bone
can not hold me down,
or hold me tightly,
in comfort or captivity,
for i have felt the arms of fire,
that engulf me,
set me ablaze,
radiance everlasting.
and no passion,
no fire burns as brightly,
i will not turn away.