i claimed remission

you ripped me apart so fiercely,
you shattered my heart and maimed my soul,
you brutally beat my love.

so why should i return?

why should i ever forgive you?

you've sliced me so deeply,
and stabbed so far in,
every time you apologize,
does it even make a difference?

who's blood are you trying to wipe away,
who is writhing on the floor at your feet,
the one you only want to cover up, and put away?

who are you doing this for?
you don't want to lose a friend, oh the pain it'll cause you,
but you don't want to keep me either, oh the pain i bring.

so who the hell do you think you are?
what penance can you offer, what words, notes, looks will
ever satisfy or heal the damage you have done?

how can your apologies ever go as deep as the pain you've brought upon?
how can they ever sustain the pressure you put on my shoulders?

what if i don't take you back?
what if i will not forgive?
what if i refuse, what if i give up,
what if i turn my back, just like you?

which one of us will suffer the loss here, then?

you and me

its all rather intoxicating,
you are blending now, forming with me
as i'm breathing into you.
and it is incredible
this way we are feeling
as we never have before.

i called it delirium,
disorientation, dizzying.
boiled and shadowed,
awake or asleep?
can you tell in the day?
can you tell in the night?

inches, feet, miles apart,
distances i can not make out,
incomprehensible measures.
lack of comfort, lack of patience.
pulling together, pulling apart.

and then we--
i disappear,
attempt to drill sense into my mind again.
i dislocate,
fight it, feel it, find it,
freedom--

and then we were one
and i felt it.
its been so long, love.
its been so greatly shredding and i was afraid,
but i am not afraid anymore.
you are here.

you are here and you did not take it back,
you did not leave me stranded,
standing, swaying and falling.
you caught me,
and kept me.

how could you know?
how can you be so lovable, loving?
so sensible in my pure, unutterable senselessness?

and you could not be more perfect for me now,
and we are molding together.
i am yours, you are mine, we are ours,
and these moments we are living together.

how can i say i love you?